Mad River Bartender Squeals to Fuzz for Tip

"He hit her!" 

A frenzy ensued at Manayunk's Mad River late Tuesday night, around 9:00, when a young, young, young, young man struck a young, young, possiblyunderage, young girl 6 feet from the only place Police consistently stake on Main Street. 

A transcript of the conversation between the young, young Mad River representative and the Officer was made available to the Manayunk Times: 

Officer: "Now, Miss! Miss! Who hit who?" 

Bartender: "GREableshhh" 

Officer: "Mam have you been drinking?" 

3 SJU freshman scurry by with a dime bag of weed. 

Officer: "We just want to know for sure if this kid hit the woman in the short orange bag of potato chips. Can you confirm?" 

Bartender: "ShrememTIPjfks" 

Officer 2: "Skeet, I think she...wants a tip." 

Officer 1 tries to hand her a dollar bill, but she denies. 

Officer 2 chuckles : "Skeet, where ya been bud? (to bartender) Allawalleeboombayay." 

The Bartender does a Sims spins and lands on all fours, ass to badge. Bartender 2 rolls the dollar bill up and gently places it in her coochie pooch. 

Bartender: "This young man struck the victim at 11:27 p.m., the date is Tuesday September 9th." 

6 more Mad River bartenders dance out of the back like Oompa Loompa's to La Roux's 'Bulletproof'

ALL BARTENDERS: "He struck her, he struck her, we don't want his cash! He struck her, he struck her, please tip or please pass!" 

The male, 12, has been given a 3 month ban to the Mad River.