All Brian Hoyle really wanted to do was post up on a bean bag with a few beers and an open schedule. It was time for FIFA Ultimate Team. There would be wins, there would be losses, players would be bought, sold, signed and let go. It was to be an emotional Friday night. One that would demand Brian's focus and give purpose to all the food soon to expire in the kitchen area.
But then the girlfriend called. (reader exhales)
"Hey I wanna go to Manayunk tonight. Let's go to Mad River, Castle Roxx AND Kildaire's. Let's take a cab, you pay and I'll get it on the way back. Chris iss here for the weekend, too! Remember, my friend that threw up on your face? I told him he could sleep at your place."
Blow, after blow, after blow, after blow.
I ask the reader to mourn with me. Feel Brian.
It's nothing against a relationship, nothing wrong with a sleepover or a night in Manayunk. It's just, at that moment, when you've fully committed to Ultimate Team, and I mean emotionally committed, when that's done and it doesn't happen - that's worth mourning.
I beg all significant others to think before they call. What time is it? What is he/she doing? Could they have already invested themselves emotionally in a Netflix binge? In a Madden tournament? On the latter I hope not, but the former I pray for.
Think before you Manayunk. Many times this town isn't the problem, it's the victim.
God bless you all.
Reverend Brown
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